


The End of All Things

by Tynemousie



Series: Where I Belong [1]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:44:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2120667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tynemousie/pseuds/Tynemousie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer receives a phone call and his entire world falls apart. Thankfully he has someone to help put it back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The phone call caught Spencer completely by surprise. It hadn't even been a week since he last spoke to Brendon on one of his increasingly infrequent catch ups. "Sorry it's been a while since I last called. Touring's so hectic, you know how it is." And Spencer _did_ know. It's not like he'd never been on tour before. He'd hated having to make the decision to take time out from their band, but he'd known it was the right thing to do, to get better so he could get back to doing what he loved, making music. 

The thing was, he had been making progress. Spencer was beginning to feel like he could be out there, in the spotlight again, and remain in control. But then the phone rang, and when Spencer finally put the phone down, everything had changed.

"It's just that we have to think about what's best for the band."

"It's complicated, Spencer. We have contracts to hold to."

"We can't keep relying on stand ins or temps. We need someone who we can rely on."

"This was a hard decision for all of us."

"You'll still get royalties for the first four albums."

"It's done, Spencer. We'll send you the paperwork to sign."

"It's better this way. No legal action, you know?"

"We're sorry."

Each sentence had hit like a hammer to an anvil. Each word breaking Spencer's heart. 

It hadn't even been Brendon. Pete Wentz apparently did the dirty work for Panic! now, just like Spencer had when Brent had to be told. 

It took at least an hour for Spencer to stop crying. It was another hour of attempted phone calls to Brendon, Dallon and Kenneth, swiftly followed by angry text messages.

Out of everything they could have done to him, this was the worst. Brendon was supposed to be his best friend. They'd been through everything together. The singer had even taken time out of promotional touring to help him through Linda leaving. 

Spencer had made brilliant progress getting through his addiction, but now, faced with his entire world falling down around him, he could feel his resolve failing. If he didn't have his band to get back to, what was the point in staying clean? A thousand and one questions ran through his brain, until a single thought echoed through his head. 

/No/.

Except he had no idea how to get through this on his own. He couldn’t think straight. It wasn’t as if he knew anyone who’d been through anything close to this before. Or did he? It finally hit him. He _did_ know someone who’d been through something similar.

It was with that thought and a shaking breath that Spencer made a call to a number he hadn't used in years. He just hoped that their number hadn't changed.


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer waited as the phone dialed and it was several rings until a voice sounded on the other side of the line.

"Spencer?" 

The voice on the other end of the line was clearly worried, and Spencer took a moment to swallow down the choke that rose to his throat. 

"Ryan....." Spencer had to stop for a moment, trying in vain to hide the shake in his voice. "I just wondered how you were, you know?"

Even though they hadn't spoken in years, Ryan knew something serious was going on. "Spence? C'mon, you didn't just call to find out how I'm doing. Something's wrong." Feeling a sudden pang of guilt, Ryan realised he should have called the man he'd called his best friend for the majority of his life well before now. After all, it had been public knowledge that Spencer had taken a break from the band and the reasons for it. Still, maybe he could make up for that now. "Listen, I know I haven't been there at all since Jon and I left the band, but I'm here now if you need me."

Despite the silence that had festered over the last couple of years between them, Ryan's words didn't surprise Spencer. Instead, they brought a sob to his throat. "It's over Ry, they dumped me. I....I don't know what to do. I can't..."

That was all Ryan needed to hear. "Spencer. You can do this, okay? Look, text me your address." He was already packing up his laptop as he continued. "I can be over there in like 45 minutes tops. Just hang in there, okay?"

"You don't have to Ryan. I don't want to be an inconvenience. I shouldn't have bothered you." Spencer went to hang up, feeling like a complete fool for calling the other man in the first place. He was interrupted from doing so by Ryan's immediate response.

" _Spencer_. You're my oldest friend. I'll be there in 45 minutes. I'm not taking no for an answer. Just hold on, okay?" 

Spencer felt a wave of relief roll over him. He'd forgotten just how good Ryan could be in a crisis. "Okay. I'll send you the address now. Thank you, Ry."

Ryan relaxed minutely on the other end of the line. "Be right there, Spencer. Bye." He hung up, albeit reluctantly. It wouldn't take him long to grab a few things and be where he was so clearly needed.

Back in his own home, Spencer stayed sat on the floor, slumping back against the couch. He texted Ryan his address (including which rock his spare key was under) then pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped himself into a ball, hoping that Ryan was indeed coming to his rescue.


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan's preparation and subsequent drive to Spencer's was a blur to the guitarist. His mind racing between how he could have been such a prat and not been there when his friend needed him and how much he wanted to kill Brendon for letting this happen in the first place. 

He was still angry (at himself and everyone involved with his old band) when he finally pulled up into the driveway that apparently belonged to Spencer. It didn't bode well that despite the sun having set, the curtains were open and no lights were on. Having grabbed the large bag from the back seat of his car, Ryan set about retrieving the key from under the rock his friend had described to him.

The key found, Ryan apprehensively opened the front door. Without any sign of life, he felt a tightness in his chest as a sudden panic rose in him. Still, there was no sense in assuming the worst. Perhaps Spencer had simply fallen asleep. Forcing himself to calm down, Ryan flicked the switch on the wall, illuminating the hallway with an intensity enough to make him blink. 

Having never visited the house before, Ryan had to take a guess as to which room Spencer would be in. Approaching one of the doors a little cautiously, worried about the state in which he might find his younger friend, he pushed open the door. "Spencer?" he called out softly, not wanting to startle the drummer if he was indeed in the darkened room.

Spencer was roused from his state of utter dejection by the click of the door opening. Looking up from his knees, which were still clutched tightly to his chest, he was surprised to see a familiar silhouette in the doorway, framed by a halo of light from the hallway beyond. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Frozen to the spot, he watched as the figure turned back to the corridor. Trying again, his voice hoarse from crying, Spencer managed to croak out a single word, deafening in the silence surrounding him. "Ry?"

Ryan paused, certain that he'd heard something in the room behind him. Turning on his heels, he stepped into the lounge, peering into the darkness. The vague outline of Spencer was only just distinguishable in the light thrown in through the door way. He suddenly realised that he had no idea what to say to his friend. So instead of spouting platitudes or commiserations, Ryan moved to the couch, sliding down to the floor and wrapping his arms around Spencer to let him know that he was here and nothing more.

By the time Ryan had sat beside him, Spencer had dropped his head to rest on his knees. When he felt the older man's arms around him, he let out a shuddering sigh, collapsing against him. He buried his head in Ryan's shoulder, the warmth of his oldest friend a small comfort in the dark.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan had no idea how long they'd been sat on the floor but he was starting to get uncomfortable, which made him think it had been at least an hour. The biggest problem with being skinny was the lack of natural cushioning. Not wanting to disturb Spencer, whose breathing seemed to have settled into a steady rhythm, he shifted slightly to get comfortable.

Spencer found himself stirring from what he guessed was a light slumber. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sat up a little straighter, stretching out his back muscles to stop them from cramping up. When he looked up at Ryan, Spencer managed to produce a weak smile. "Thank you, Ryan. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm glad I did it."

As much as Ryan was known for his way with words, those very words deserted him the moment he heard Spencer's. He threw his arms around his friend, practically tackling him to the floor. Tears pricked his eyes as he hugged the other man tightly. "I missed you, Spence," were the muffled words Ryan spoke into his friend's chest.

Falling backwards onto the floor, Spencer held Ryan close, swallowing back the tears that threatened to start again. "I missed you too, RyRo. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk. I could have called, I could have done something to try and fix it and after everything you're the only one who's here for me and I'm the worst friend ever and I'm sorry." He choked back another sob at the end of his sudden confession. He hadn't even realised he'd needed to say all of that, but some small part of him felt a little better for finally admitting his fault in the dissolution of the friendship he had held so dear.

Ryan could hear the pain and apology in Spencer's voice, his grip tightening around the other man's chest with each word. Looking up at his friend, he tried to keep his voice steady, but he could tell the attempt was a futile one. "Neither one of us could have fixed it, Spencer. It would have taken both of us. I'm so sorry for everything. But if you'll have me, we can fix it now. You're my best friend. You always have been and you always will be." 

Taking a deep breath, Ryan made a proposal, taking responsibility like he should have done long ago. "So what we're going to do is this. I'm going to get up and make us both a hot chocolate with marshmallows and pop us some corn. Then we're going sit and watch movies until we can't keep our eyes open, just like we did when we were kids. Then tomorrow, you're going to take it one day at a time, and I'll be right here to help whenever you need me. I'm going to do for you what you spent so many years doing for me. Okay?"

Spencer almost couldn't believe his ears. Except this was Ryan, and one thing his best friend never did, despite everything else, was lie to him. "I think I can manage that. But only if you put extra marshmallows on." He had no idea how, but he managed to smile at the other man. It felt like a tiny piece of the despair and sorrow that had been threatening to overwhelm him had disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

Three hours later, the two men were sat huddled under Ryan's well worn (he would argue well loved) blanket that they always used to sit under when he called over to Spencer's when he couldn't face going home. They'd just finished watching The Goonies because it never failed to cheer them up, and whilst the younger man wasn't feeling happy, he certainly felt better than he'd expected to five hours after everything went wrong.

Cradling what was left of his third cup of hot chocolate, Spencer bumped his shoulder against his friend's. It was already exceptionally late and given everything that had happened he felt absolutely exhausted. He hadn't slept particularly well for months now, but tonight was different. Tonight, Spencer felt like he could sleep for a week. The only trouble was that he didn't trust himself to be left alone. Not now.

Looking into his mug as if it was the most fascinating thing in the universe, Spencer smiled when he felt Ryan push back against him. "Ry......it's late and I feel like I could sleep for a week." He felt a twist in his gut as he thought about what he was going to ask and the possibility that Ryan might say no. "I was wondering, would you.......um, would you stay?"

Ryan smiled affectionately as he watched Spencer go through the motions he always had when he was asking for something that he was afraid of hearing the answer to. Upon hearing the request, Ryan leant against his friend. "Of course I can. I took the liberty of packing a bag for just that. I figured you'd want the company. Jon must have stayed for a couple of weeks after....." He trailed off when he realised what he was saying. Now really wasn't the time to talk about the past. "I only have one condition. Like I said, I'm here for you just like you were for me so many times before, which means one thing. Can we snuggle?"

Spencer turned in his seat to look at his friend, coming face to face with Ryan's best puppy dog eyed expression. The sight was so ridiculous that he could do nothing but burst out laughing. It actually felt good to laugh. Maybe, just maybe, having his old best friend back in his life could be the one good thing to come from all of this. Leaning forward, he rested his head against the other man's forehead. "Providing you don't expect to sleep naked like B...." He stopped before the name of the singer was complete. "Yeah, Ry. I think I need the company."

Almost flinching at the name of his former bandmate, Ryan felt a flare of anger at the obvious pain his friend was in. Setting his cup down on the coffee table, he flicked the off button on the TV remote. "Let's get you to bed then, Mr Smith."

Pulling Ryan into a hug (depositing his own cup first), Spencer sighed heavily. "Thanks, Ryan. I'm so glad you're here."

"So am I, Spence. So am I."

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note about how this came about. I have found it increasingly frustrating that article keep being published about Panic! at the Disco that say Spencer is no longer in the band, or that the band is now a "solo project" for Brendon. None of these articles ever seem to be corrected and no one related to the band ever seen to refute them either. Let's face it, all we want to see is the band post on their site something along the lines of "just to put your mind at ease, Spencer is still a part of this band."  
> In the absence of this, my lovely muses hijacked my brain and made me write this. 
> 
> Please don't take this as my opinion on the character of any of the people mentioned in here. This is pure fiction. Also, don't judge anyone in a bad light yet. There will be more later!


End file.
